


Jam Fingers

by SelenaTerna



Series: Time Petals Prompt Fics [16]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Jam, Prompt Fic, and other goofiness, jam and bread, made with jam, made-up words, no real plot, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 18:38:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11903805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelenaTerna/pseuds/SelenaTerna
Summary: The Doctor and Rose make a little wager.





	Jam Fingers

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies! This little bit of silliness was written for the TPP drabble prompts 'mugwump', 'honeyfuggle' and 'flapdoodle.' As usual, this is no where near a drabble, but...let's pretend it is. LOL. There's no real plot, it's just silly, goofy, tooth rotting fluff with absolutely no point. Oh and Shirley Bassey. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this bit of nothing anyway!

“It’s a ridiculous word!”

“Doctor, that’s the _point_!”

“Well, even for a nonsense word, it’s ridiculous!” the Doctor sniffed. “J.K’s _brilliant_ , she could’ve done better than _that_! Total let down!”

“An’ what, you reckon you can do better?”

“Of course I can!” the Doctor said indignantly. “I’m a genius! I think I can come up with a better nonsense word than ‘ _mugwump_.’”

“Go on, then,” Rose challenged, rolling her eyes.  “Prove it.”

The Doctor folded his arms. “Maybe I will.”

“Maybe you should!” She folded her arms.

 “ _Fine_ ,” he sniffed. “What do I get if I do?”

She shrugged. “I dunno, what do you want?”

“I want….” he frowned for a moment before his face lit up. “I get to eat all my jam out of the jar- without a spoon. For a month!”

She snorted. “Fine, an’ if I win, you don’t eat out of the jar at all! You have to eat your jam on toast like a normal person.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Hope you don’t mind double dipping, Rose, because you’re going be dealing with it for a month!”

“We’ll see about that,” she huffed. “We still haven’t agreed on the rules!”

“ _Rules?”_

Rose rolled her eyes. “Yeah, rules. What, you think I’m gonna let you pull out some random alien word and pretend it’s yours?”

“I’d never!” the Doctor sputtered indignantly. “How could you think-”

“Two words, Doctor,” she broke in. “Lion. King.”

“Alright, so I made a mistake once-”

“And what about when you quoted Henry V when the Polmorsians needed an inspirational speech to start their annual chestnut gathering competition?”

He grimaced. “Alright, then too.”

“And what about-”

“Alright, alright! So I’ve occasionally muddled things and borrowed a few words here and there. No need to belabour it.” He scratched his head. “What are you suggesting?”

“Easy. The TARDIS understands every language there is, an’ she can tell me if it’s an honest to goodness made up word or somethin’ you’ve _borrowed_ from someone else.” Rose patted the nearest strut and the TARDIS hummed happily. “Can’t you girl?”

The Doctor pouted. “Is that really necessary? Don’t you trust me, Rose?” 

Rose raised her eyebrows and looked at him, saying nothing. The TARDIS hummed again.

“Fine, fine,” he grumbled, shaking his head. “Be like that. Can’t believe it’s come to this- conspired against by my own TARDIS and my companion.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Are we doin’ this or not? Gimme your words, Doctor, or I win.”

“Have it your way then.” The Doctor thought for a moment. “Flapdoodle.”

“Nope, that’s two real words put together.” She wrinkled her nose. “An’ it sounds a bit dodgy, to be honest.”

“What? I assure you, Rose Tyler, that flapdoodle is a perfectly acceptable nonsense word and I just came up with it then!”

The TARDIS hummed irately and the Doctor huffed. “Fine, take her side. Be that way.”

“Next word, Doctor.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Right. My next word is…honeyfuggle!”

“Hmmmm…it sounds made up….”Rose frowned, and turned to the TARDIS. “What  d’you think?”

“I think you’ll find, Rose, that you’ve just given me jam-finger rights for the next month,” the Doctor said smugly.

“Hold on a mo’, ‘m checkin with the judge!”

“Check away,” he said smugly, and started singing ‘Jam fingers’ to the tune of Shirley Bassey’s ‘Goldfinger.’

Rose rolled her eyes and turned back to the console. “What d’you reckon, love? Is it a made up word, or did he pinch it?”

The TARDIS hummed, the console lights flashed and an entry appeared on the terminal. Rose leaned over to read it and snorted.

“Doctor,” she said, biting her lip with glee.

 _“He’s the man! The man with the jam-filled touch!_ _A Time Lord’s touch!_ ”

“Doctor!”

He broke off and turned to her smugly. “Yes, Rose? Finished consulting the judge already? Shall I get the jam?”

Rose grinned. “Oh, I wouldn’t just yet. Have a look.”

The Doctor frowned and stepped forward, staring at the screen.

“Third entry from the bottom,” she smirked.

“No! Oh that’s just not on! It’s a conspiracy!”

As the Time Lord ranted and raved, Rose read the entry again.

_Honeyfuggle the Hilarious, fourth King of the Hippolemian Empire of Huge Hippopotami._

* * *

 

The next morning, the Doctor sat disconsolately across from Rose, staring unhappily at the butterknife and toast next to his beloved banana jam.

_Fin_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you have any questions, feel free to drop me a line at countessselena.tumblr.com


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